Gently Kiss Me Goodbye

My Dearest, You are one of my loved ones. Did you know that? It matters not whether you are family or friend, I count you among the essentials in my life . . . without you, I’m not whole. You’re part of the air that I breathe. I know I can’t give you what I have given you in the past. I know I’m not pulling my weight in our relationship. I know my strength has diminished. I know it takes all I have, to do a fraction of the things I used to do. I know I often don’t have the energy to pick up the phone to call you. I know I even forget to pick up the phone to call you. I know I don’t feel like going out to lunch or even getting out of the house; it’s not depression – it’s pain – I don’t want to use my legs any more than I have to. I know things have changed – changes beyond my control. I know my pain is real. I know it is not yet under control. I know what my pain has done to my life. I know what my pain has done to your life. I know what my pain has done to us. For all these things, I am truly sorry. If for all my prayers I could change the way things are, I surely would. Doubt it not. Can you not imagine how inadequate I must feel for having disappointed you . . . for being the one to throw off the equilibrium of “us,” for not being who I once was to you . . . for not being able to meet your needs, to do for you as I once did and always have? I haven’t fulfilled my part of the bargain, whatever that bargain is. We never discussed that, you and I. We didn’t need to. So, if you’ve decided to say goodbye to me, I ask only this of you. Please don’t do it violently or hurtfully. Please don’t complain to others about me behind my back. Please don’t seek revenge. Please don’t crush me any more than I already am. You may feel like getting back at me for having hurt you. But, please believe me. I didn’t set out to hurt you, and I’m so very sorry that you see it that way. I don’t want you to go away. But, if you must, gently kiss me goodbye. That way, I will be able to go on holding you where you belong – forever in my heart. + Please pray that Divine Mercy will shine upon all who have taken their own lives. +