It Isn't Easy Being Gigi

Ok… So we had our history lesson of me. Nice… Just what you wanted to know, huh? And you are probably asking why I would air my laundry out there about my health. I mean heck! I am violating my own HIPAA! You know, I am an educator. My name is Angela, it means messenger. No one knows what I will say next. But seriously, I am doing this because no one understands this disease, even the Drs. I have yet to go out and research it either. This has got to be the first time in my life that I have obeyed Drs. They tell me “No”, “You stay away from that Google search engine and that term Fibromyalgia.” I am getting a daily dose of hands on learning with this disease. To tell you the truth, I am scared. But you’ll never see it.

I love to laugh. I am sarcastic and love make others laugh. However, I have my game face on most of the time. There are only two people that see through my mask on a regular basis. But even they don’t understand. I don’t tell them all of it, anyone for that matter. It is inconceivable of how much pain I feel and I cannot put it into words. I am mentally in a perpetual screaming or crying match. Have you seen that painting “The Scream” by Edvard Munch? I can relate. Only God  knows how I stay sane. He must be carrying me throughout the day while I do what I gotta do. It is also very disgusting to whine, so I don’t. The meds take the edge off, but don’t eliminate everything. And there are side effects. To which you have to add another pill for that and then the process goes on and on. At my last appt. I told my Dr. I wanted off my meds. Yes… I know. Why would I knowingly put myself in full fledged pain? Because I have been in full fledged pain for 12 years without meds and my body functions worked normally. If you are not grasping my meaning, I am referring to the digestive area. It’s gone kaput.  Of course the Dr. disagreed with me and out me on a different medication. Joy!

“Topamax”, he says… “will allow your body to work normally and you’ll lose some weight. Some common side effects are tingling, short term memory loss, hot flashes with sweating… and you may forget what you are saying at times”

I said, “Jeez… so I am going to have a romance and not remember it?

For those of you that don’t know, Topamax is affectionately called the “stupid pill”. I feel stupider every day. Just sayin’.

- Gigi