I have become stuck in a vicious cycle. Stress is not only mental, it is also physical. What your mind goes through it seems it puts your body through. I have still not figured out how to get off this roller coaster. But, still lies the question, when is it coincidence and when is it stress induced?
For as long as I can remember I have had headaches, stomach aches and a host of other physical pains. Which of them are caused by mental anguish and if it’s caused by mental anguish, how do I get rid of the pains and how do I prevent them. This seems to be a question neither I nor any one can seem to answer easily.
First I’ll talk about headaches. I have several different ones. I have migraines of which stress can trigger or they can have other triggers. Some of my migraines seem to have the features of clusters but those I am not 100% sure yet. Then I have basic tension headaches. After that I have an usual headache that is considered a “switching headache”. These are tougher. The switching headache is harder to control and can make either of the above headaches even worse. And guess what, when I’m in pain, yep you guessed it, I switch more! Genius right? Here’s the other fun part about headaches, doctors can’t see it. I tell them the pain I am having, they diagnose and treat based on that. So I always question and I also always feel like I should be able to eliminate these if I can just get my mentality under control.
Now I’ll move on to my stomach aches. As a child I threw up almost every morning. I had severe motion sickness as well as constant stomach pain. About 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with GERD and put on medication daily. This has seemed to help quite a bit. However, every now and then, such as this week I have intense pain. Strangely I had just been to the doctor on Monday for a sinus infection! So again two days later I trod back off to the doctors office. This time she has suggested something new. She has not seen me have this type of “attack” before, but I have had them. Often they happen when I forget my medication or when I tried to go off of it for pregnancy which I was never successful as a couple days without medication and I’m in for it. Well, I have been on my medication and I am having yet another attack and this time it was slightly different in I have pain in my right side. She says take this and call me in the morning if you still have pain. Ugh! I’ve never had this pain go away quickly so I already fear I’ll be calling. I’ll be undergoing gallbladder studies if it doesn’t go away or if I have another attack. It would be interesting to see a physical pain on a test. That is quite unusual for me.
As far as a host of other pains, I have been diagnosed with endometriosis and fibromyalgia. The endometriosis was the first physical pain I have ever seen on a test! Well, besides like strep throat. But as far as chronic pains, it was the first. It had to be diagnosed as a laproscopy and I have pictures- pictures that proved I DID have pain! A couple years later the pain returned and the doctor believed that since I’d had a pregnancy/birth that it should be “healed” but she finally did another and found it again. Well, it’s back yet again. I am trying a medical study to see if a drug can help the endometriosis, if not I’ll be headed for a hysterectomy to hopefully rid my body of this foreign material. The fibromyalgia is different, it is yet another pain that I have that depends on my telling the doctor my symptoms. I always feel crazy with this. I’d rather have a test to show me the pain- I want to SEE my pain, not just feel it. Maybe one day they will understand it better.
So back to the vicious cycle. I have been stressed and now I keep having physical pains. I have had migraines and now am having stomach pain. I feel like it’s my fault that I’m stressed and if I could just not be stressed then I wouldn’t be in pain. And what happens when I’m in pain, yes I dissociate. I find myself fading in and out. It’s how I deal with pain. So get the cycle yet? I’m stressed so mentally I am not doing well. Then the physical symptoms kick in to knock me down more. To deal with the physical pain I dissociate and my mental abilities take yet another dive. Which yes, causes more physical symptoms which causes more mental problems which causes more physical…you get the picture.
Time will tell if my physical pain can be alleviated, I hope that it can. But the question still remains, how to better my mental health so that my physical health is not continuously compromised.
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