Yikes, I haven’t had a week like this in a long time, August to be exact. I’ve felt like shit for eight days in a row, having bad headaches every day, four migraines, massive stomach problems daily, and severe chest pain off and on (don’t worry, it’s on the right side side, which is actually common for Fibromyalgia, as it is muscle pain) and I’m horrified to realize that my Fibromyalgia and all the lovely things that accompany it is back in my life with a vengeance. I’m so frustrated, because I work hard to keep myself on an even keel as far as my activities go to keep my Fibromyalgia in balance. And, I’ve been having a good couple of weeks in the life department, so I know it isn’t life stress. I started working as a volunteer at two new places (I have a third volunteer job that I work at, too) and two weeks ago I was in training nearly every day. I think it put me over the edge, trying to force all this new and quite hard information into my brain fast and dealing with so many new people. I came home from this past Tuesday and had a severe migraine, and I’m convinced it was because I had to deal with another volunteer who was so opinionated and stupid she actually gave me the migraine. I’m not going into details, but let me say she comes dressed in an expensive suit to a non-profit where the CEO was wearing jeans. Then she doesn’t do any work, which is hilarious to me. But that is the tip of the iceberg and I don’t want to go off and a rant.
Having spent many days around stupid people in the past at my former job, I’ve learned that interacting with stupid people actually is a migraine trigger for me, as hilarious as that sounds. I just can’t handle them physically, which is funny in a way. You’d never know it in person, because I am a master of patience and remaining calm. But once I get out that door, my head and body is about to explode, and it isn’t pretty. I just hate it, I wish that so many things didn’t bother me. I used to be a little bit easier going, tolerant, but Fibromyalgia makes me sensitive to everything, and not just actions. Pitch of voice, fabric, sensations, oh, how the list goes on. I can’t wear certain types of clothing, I don’t like to be touched in certain places (No, not naughty ones, get your mind out of the gutter, lol) and cold and heat both the hell out of me. If my husband squeezes my shoulder I scream in pain, because it actually hurts that bad. It is so weird, and I hate being this way. All you can do is learn to recognize the triggers and try to avoid them if at all possible.
At the same time, my thyroid medication had to be adjusted, because I’m in a major hypothyroidism stage right now. I thought I felt exhausted, but I just contributed it to stress and my insomnia which was bad last fall and January. I have to take Synthroid for the rest of my life and after taking it for two months, I left my bed and never got back in it. Amazing what hormones can do for a person. My doctor didn’t want to put me on a higher dose, because she knows I haven’t been sleeping much, but she had to otherwise your heart gets affected. I’m just glad because my stupid goiter and thyroid nodule didn’t get much bigger this year. All I know is that I spent nearly two years trapped in my bed after work and on weekends before someone sent me to an Endocrinologist, and my life has changed for the better because of Synthroid.
All week long I’ve tried everything to make myself feel better. I called in sick to a volunteer job to give myself more time to relax. I gave myself a break from blogging. I watched a ton of movies and read only two books this week to give my eyes a break. I even drank cherry coke daily (even though I had to give up pop in 2008, I still cheat when my head hurts, because it does make it feel better) and yesterday afternoon I enhaled three Crispy Cream donuts in one sitting and made me husband give me a bite of his, too. Nothing really worked except the coke and donuts, but I don’t want to start gaining weight again. I can’t eat like that all the time nor I don’t plan to. But I’m not willing to go on a daily medication for my Fibromyalgia, either. I’ve tried most of them, and only Lyrica worked, but it made me go blind. I was actually driving both times my sight went black and I was as terrified as when I was caught driving in a sand storm in Vegas on the strip back in 1996. No thank you. I have a bottle of Neurontin (prescribed for both my Fibromyalgia and my Neuropathy pain) and I’ve never tried it, because I’m afraid to take another daily pill for the rest of my life. I worry about side effects, although my friend told me it can give you orgasms, which sounds rather nice, but what if you are at work or with your in-laws? OMG! I have been mainly controlling my pain through my mind, telling myself to ignore it, and it works most of the time. I wonder, does anyone else out there do that? Have you been able to cope on a long term basis? I get emails from a lot of people who ask me how I handle my pain and dizziness (I have Dysautonomia, too, both OH and POTS) without taking too many drugs. All I tell them is that I’m on Synthroid and Vyvanse for my ADHD and Fibro Fog. The Vyvanse is also a mild blood pressure raiser, and between taking it and drinking tons of water and eating salt I barely feel dizzy anymore, unless I walk uphill or up and down stairs. It has been working since last May, but all of a sudden I’ve been hit by a tidal wave. I can hadle the pain, but it is the stomach and headaches that are hard to deal with. My goodness, I walk around with Degenerative Joint Disease and have seven disks in my spine that are herniated, bulged, and torn without much complaint. And since I was on two medical leaves then lost my job last September, I know that I’m not up to my usually stress levels, meaning things are going to get worse the more I volunteer. I just want to go back to semi-normal (Well, normally, but I realize this is impossible, so I’m settling.) and I hope it is possible? Anyone have any tips? I’m not into buying supplements or drinking certain juices, as the expert I saw in Fibromyalgia says they don’t work. With him being the expert, I certainly believe him.
I took this picture at a zoo in Ohio, of all places. I’ve seen a real eagle before in flight, at the Grand Tetons, but never close enough to get a good shot like this one. It took me forever to get this picture this way, I had fence marks that had to be replaced, as the poor bird was on display and had a tight fence surrounding him. This eagle may look majestic, but I doubt he is truly happy, being trapped in a cage and having people points cameras and squeak oohs and ahs around him all day. I’d say that this eagle suffers from an invisible disease, just like I do. He looks normal, but he’s a wild animal who can’t fly, just like me. I wonder if his wings are clipped so that he can’t escape, or even permanently damaged? As much as I enjoy visiting zoos to see wildlife I normally wouldn’t run into unless I was out west, I find that most animals are just laying around their cages and dens when I visit them. They look miserable, probably because they are miserable. Can you imagine what it is like being trapped in your bed or house all the time? All they want to do is explore and be free, just like I want to. I look at this picture of this magnificent wild animal and it actually makes me sad, because I see something in his eyes that I see in mine when I’m at home and sick. He’s screaming for me to get him out of there, and of course I can’t. But I can relate and be sympathic to his situation, and I guess I’m hoping those of you who don’t understand invisible diseases will, too, and maybe stop thinking I’m just whining. I’m not writing this post for you, I’m writing it for me and for the other people, like me, who suffer from invisible diseases, so we know that we aren’t alone.
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